Over the summer, I had a conversation with a friend. I don’t remember it word for word (ironically, it’s a conversation I didn’t hang on to), but they apologized for a past racist act. It felt surprisingly good to hear. There’s nothing I appreciate more than when a person acknowledges when they’ve done something wrong, especially because I’ve spent my whole life being gaslighted.
It was good to hear. Was I owed that? Absolutely not. Well, this is actually a much different answer than I would have given at the time of that conversation. One day, I was scrolling through Instagram and read a user’s post who said they didn’t need an apology. I was surprised. What do you mean you don’t need an apology? The person’s point was about being able to give themselves the closure they need to move on.
There is also something to be said for the fact that we are all raised in, witness, internalize and play into the resulting stratification of society. If I’m owed an apology, then I owe many others one as well, for the ways that I’ve upheld other systems of oppression, as well as anti-blackness.
I wish that I’d been prepared to deal with racism, but not even overt racism, I’m talking about micro-aggressions. All the subtle ways that I was told by “friends,” peers and social institutions that I’ll never be good enough. Some people don’t believe that micro-aggressions are a thing, but here’s my two cents: they are. I wish I had someone to tell me that “It’s not you, it’s them.” Maybe, then, the apology wouldn’t have felt as necessary, in that moment.
Ultimately, there’s no point waiting for an apology. The people that I would want an apology from the most are the ones that are the least likely to give it to me. I am enough with or without it. I don’t care anymore. I don’t need your apology to validate me. White guilt is cringey. I will never beg for human decency again.
About Ado (She/Her)
I am pursuing my bachelor’s degree in Sociology at Mount Royal University. But most importantly, I am a musician. I love pop culture, of course, not through the same lens as my 11 year old self. I talk about music, hair, mental health, social issues and other topics that might interest me along the way. I look forward to writing and connecting with you all.